I know that not many people follow me or probably even read this blog site at all but that’s okay! Sometimes blogging is all about opening up and talking to yourself. And maybe along the way there will be someone who will understand where you are coming from and tag along with you.
Today is Tuesday, November 14, 2017.
I don’t know why I seem to follow the same life patterns but every year around this time the same thoughts start coming out of the shadows. If you didn’t know already, I am a teacher and coach. I teach high school Spanish and coach cross country and track. Sometimes I love my job and sometimes I very much hate it with a passion.
The reasons I hate it are because kids can really be jerks. They can be very rude and disrespectful. Before I started teaching I used to think that I would love working with young kids since I had once worked with the youth groups at church. I just knew that I would have a good time teaching and working with the younger generation. I thought wrong. If anything, the only time I really do enjoy working with young kids is when I’m coaching. I enjoy it because I actually do something I feel is benefiting someone else, in this case my student/athletes. When I’m in the classroom I get frustrated very quickly with my students. I don’t know why but I don’t think I can handle loud noises and fidgeting as much as I used to. I know it’s not entirely the kids’ fault but they sure do push your buttons and they like doing it too.
So what does this have to do with those patterns of thoughts? Okay, so around this time every year I really do want to quit my job. I get to the point where I simply just hate it. I get tired of kids and their loudness and disrespectful ways. The drama is everywhere everyday of the year and it never ends!
So yeah, I want to quit around this time of the year. The only problem is that I don’t know what I would do if I did make that decision and followed through with it. If I’m honest with myself I’d have to say that I really am a little scared of what would happen if I did. Who wouldn’t be right? But I am. I’m scared because I’m so used to the way things are right now. What job would I get? Would I be able to financially sustain myself? These thoughts and questions along with others come to my mind. It’s a very serious situation that I find myself in right now.
There are other things that I enjoy doing outside of teaching and coaching but they don’t really hold any monetary value. I like to run. I like to explore the outdoors even though I haven’t been able to do that as much as I would want to. I like to laugh a lot and I haven’t been doing much of that since I started teaching. I like to be myself. Being myself has been lost somewhere along the way of teaching. Maybe I’m being “extra” like the kids say these days. Maybe I need to grow up and act like and adult. Part of me says to just go along with the flow of the way things are going right now and accept they are they way they are just because. But the other part of me, the part of me that feels alive and happy about little things, that part wants to leave this all behind and figure out what I’m missing. I’m not saying that things are greener on the other side but I am saying that you’ll never find out what the other side is like if you never give it a try.
I have thought about simply just taking a gap year and taking some time off from teaching. I don’t want to hate it enough that I don’t want to come back at all.
What would you do in this situation? Would you leave your job behind and explore the unknown?
I do want to say that I would not make any hasty decision just based from feelings. I would definitely have ideas in mind of what I would do once I did quit teaching. I’m still at the point of figuring out what I need to do because one thing is for sure: I don’t want to keep having these same thoughts every year.